Vox Clamantis!

My alma mater has claimed to be an Intellectual Voice, crying out in the Wilderness!  Vox clamantis in deserto!  I was attracted, as a young applicant, to the physical wildness of the setting.  I initially appreciated, but have since continually grown (but probably belatedly, stuntedly, and inadequately) to embrace its intellectual mission.  And yet, I increasingly feel the pain of an unheard messenger.  For the most part, that’s no big deal; I guess it’s just the way it is.  But there is a part of me that seeks to be heard, especially when I might have something worthwhile to offer.

***

Well, I just resigned from my fun, part-time position at C’s.  Kind of; nobody appropriate was present to receive my resignation letter.  It was Sunday, after all, so who would be working?  I quietly sketched out my notice, made a copy for my boss’s boss, and filed the letters in their in-baskets.  This development will be no surprise to The Man (I’ve been keeping him posted on my thoughts and needs), so I’ll assume this will work its way through the system, and that by the end of the month, I’ll have fulfilled my scheduled obligations with him.  Paperwork complete, I hit the floor and gave them another honest day’s effort.  Big Lakers, saltwater newbies, muskie hopefuls, kids and plain old fun fishers; I interacted with a lot of folks.  I was exhausted by closing time.  But I’d shared another day of my Fishing Enthusiasm (on an otherwise historically cold and despicable day), and I’d even been paid a bit for my time and efforts.  I think it was another Win-Win-Win of sorts for me, my employer, and my customers.

So why did I resign?; simply because my time there had run its course.  It’s no longer worth Not Fishing to be there.  The Opportunity for Growth does not make up for the current Pay Schedule, and the ratio of Retailing:Outfitting is way too high.   I’ve got a Fully Scheduled 2015 ahead of me, and I knew our arrangements weren’t going to work out much longer, at least not without some give on their part or pain on mine.  They made it clear that they had nothing to give me in terms of accommodations; and that made it easier for me to be kind to myself.  I chose to take advantage of a little cash in my pocket, accompanied for the first time in a while with the sense that I can might be able to realistically plan and execute an adventure or two.  I will miss certain aspects of my experience there, but I have to admit, I don’t think the earned sense of freedom has hit me yet.  So while I took this path with some reluctance, I suspect that I will enjoy the fruits of this decision, later.

It was fairly fitting that I couldn’t deliver my resignation in person to an appropriate manager, because while I know my managers appreciated my enthusiasm, knowledge and demeanor on the floor (they’ve previously said so!), somehow I was (or at least often felt) pretty invisible there.  I can't say that anybody worked more earnestly or with more dedication; but those skills that I brought to the floor were not necessarily reflected in their metrics of choice.  And, amazingly enough, as the venture matured, those metrics became more highly emphasized, while my core strengths were in danger of being marginalized.  Bottom line; if I wasn't fishing, and I wasn't really growing or sharing that expertise and passion, then why continue?

It has been an interesting 25 months.  I was forced to decide right away that the experience wasn't about the money (I am still uncertain whether this was due to an early mis-statement, mis-communication, mis-hearing, or if I was otherwise misled), and I would say that my longevity is a testament of my dedication to that idea.  I know I did gain a lot from the overall experience.  I picked up a passion for muskies, paid for some awesome new gear and electronics, met some new friends and subsidized a couple of trips to Florida. My People Skills were repeatedly tested and stretched, and these benefits certainly spilled over into my primary work and everyday life.  These are all good things!  I am glad to have done this!

***

And yet I can't help but think that some opportunity was lost.  I've missed out on the majority of two open water seasons so I could report to work.  That doesn't seem to make sense.  And while a few customers might specifically miss my presence, The Man won't.  My impact on him was negligible.  Was it fundamentally a mis-match (I was, after all, a pretty unique demographic in the store), am I mis-guided for thinking my efforts could have made any sort of measurable difference, or should I just keep plugging away (in some other manner) at what I believe to be important, on the chance that I might be heard?